First grade class comes in from recess. Teacher asks Alice: "What did you 
do at recess?"  Alice says, "I played in the sand box."  Teacher says 
"that's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly,
I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie." She does and gets a cookie.

Teacher asks Billy what he did at recess. Billy says, "I played with Alice 
in the sandbox." Teacher says, "Good. If you write 'Box" correctly on the 
blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."  Billy does, and gets a 
cookie.

Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess.  He says,
"I tried to play with Alice and Billy, but they threw rocks at me." 
Teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial 
discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial 
discrimination' I'll give you a cookie."




Q:Did you hear about the 13yr old boy that got ahold of his fathers viagra?

A:They rushed him to the hospital with 3rd degree burns on his hands.



This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get 
ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, 
and says, "I'll be home in an hour." 

"Perfect," she replies.

The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him 
to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and 
waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no 
wife? 

She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I 
won't be there for about an hour and a half." 

The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. "What should I 
do?" he asks. 

The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you 
have a housekeeper around?" 

"Yes" the man replied. 

"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said 
the Doctor. 

The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra 
with the housekeeper..."




Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.




It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a 
Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher 
greeted the class and said, "Let's begin by reviewing some 
American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me 
death?"

She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, 
who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," said the boy.

"Now," said the teacher, "Who said 'Government of the 
people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the 
earth?"

Again, no response except from Toshiba: "Abraham Lincoln, 
1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed. 
Toshiba, who is new to our country, knows more about it than 
you do."

As she turned to write something on the blackboard, she 
heard a loud whisper: "Damned Japanese."

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Toshiba put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982," he said.





If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now.





A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom,
guess what?  We learned how to make babies today."

The mother, more that a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.
"That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and
add 'es'."





BUMPER STICKER: 

WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.





Goldie was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to strike up a
conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside
hers.  "Hello, sir," she said, "Do you like movies?"  "Yes, I do," he
responded, then returned to his book.  Goldie persisted. "Do you like
gardening?"  The man again looked up from his book. "Yes, I do," he said
politely before returning to his reading.  Undaunted, Goldie asked. "Do you
like pussycats?"  With that, the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie,
ravaging her as she'd never been ravaged before.  As the cloud of sand began
to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a sitting position and panted, "How
did you know that was what I wanted?"  The man thought for a moment and
replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"





Invest In America...Buy A Congressman.

You are numberscince July 18, 1999.